


I'm not staring, unless you're staring too

by draagonfly



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Drug Use, Just to be safe, M/M, Masturbation, Sibling Incest, because unintended use of cold-medicine, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:59:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draagonfly/pseuds/draagonfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your typical story of unrequited (?) twin-love. Good thing Mizuki is there to be the voice of reason, or Aoba would never get anything done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to SoundlessWay for being so supportive! Your comments give me the confidence to keep writing, so thank you!

_It will only be this one time._

That’s what Aoba told himself as he stared down at his erection, standing stubbornly and showing no signs of going away any time soon. He stood in the shower, letting the steadily cooling water flow over his body, wishing his thoughts – or rather, one specific thought – could be washed away like the soap from his hair. It wasn’t an unpleasant thought, clearly, if the state of his dick was any indication. It was the principle behind it, the morals and shame that apparently had no place in this little fantasy of his. Another image flashed past his closed eyelids and he grimaced he felt a pulse of want flow directly to his groin.

_Just one time, and then I’ll never do it again._

Aoba had repeated those words over and over again – futile as he knew it was – as he brought his hand down to grip the base of his cock. Images of his twin brother Sei filled his mind and he started to move from base to tip and back, letting out a sigh at the stimulation. The shampoo left over on his hand made the movement fluid and slick and deliciously smooth. He imagined Sei, kiss stunned and panting, sinking to his knees in front of him and pressing open mouthed kisses on his thighs, his hips, teasing him. Aoba squeezed a little harder and pumped a little faster, not wanting to draw this out but the pleasure was slowly overpowering his guilt. In his mind, Sei kissed a trail down from his stomach to his dick, poking his tongue out and licking slowly from base to tip, gathering the pre-cum dripping down the shaft and swallowing it like candy. Aoba swiped his thumb over the head, digging his finger into the slit and groaning at the sensation. He felt the warmth of Sei’s breath ghosting over the heated flesh, and was about to tell Sei to stop teasing, but then soft wet lips were surrounding him, and Sei took in as much as he could without choking. Aoba moved his hand faster, smearing pre-cum down the shaft as he moaned as quietly as he could, still having the presence of mind to keep his voice down. One hand was on the wall in front of him to keep himself steady, eyes shut tight as he brought himself closer to the edge. Sei’s mouth felt so good on him, so wet and warm, and then he gave a hard suck and Aoba almost came right then. Sei was caressing him with his tongue as best he could, flattening it against the underside as he moved further down and teasing the head when he pulled back. Aoba stroked harder and more erratically as he neared his climax and it was getting hard to hold down his voice. Suddenly he felt himself touch the back of Sei’s throat and he swallowed and Aoba couldn’t hold on anymore. He pressed forward as his climax hit him and he released in Sei’s mouth, feeling him swallow every drop, not releasing him until he was completely sucked dry. Aoba panted and kept his eyes shut, to preserve the moment and also because he was pretty sure if he opened them he would only get dizzy.

When he finally did open them, it wasn’t to his brother smiling up at him and licking his lips, and reality crashed over him once again. The reality that he had just gotten off to thoughts of his twin, again. Fuck. He leaned forward, pressing feverish skin to the relatively colder wall, and watched the now lukewarm water wash away the evidence of his shameful indulgence. He wished he could flow down the drain along with it.

* * *

Aoba exited the shower, towel wrapped around his waist and another drying his hair, to the sounds of Granny bustling about in the kitchen, and the quiet patter of Ren’s footsteps as the little ALLmate took his place at Aoba’s feet. That was just what he needed – a delicious dinner to finish off a pleasant day and the company of his favorite people (and dog). He had managed to drag himself out of bed early enough that morning that he was able to actually eat something for breakfast before work. Even the shop had been fairly calm today; not as many perverts calling just to hear him talk, and the trio of demon children hadn’t stopped in at all. In the back of his mind he wondered why that was, as they were almost at Heibon, looking for new ways to make Aoba’s job harder, but chose not to dwell on it. And now, after a (mostly) relaxing shower, he would finish off the day with probably two helpings of whatever Granny was cooking and some casual conversation with his brother.

_If I can even look Sei in the eye after what just happened._

He shook the thought away. It would be fine, he was sure. After a few minutes of talking with his family he would forget about the incident altogether, and time would pass as normal. Even if it wasn’t fine, he couldn’t let his discomfort show lest Sei or Granny notice and question him about it. With that thought in mind he continued down the hallway and towards the stairs to get changed. “Sei! Shower’s open,” he called in the direction of the living room where Sei was patiently waiting for his brother to finish up. He stopped drying his hair to free his hands for Ren (stairs weren’t really a problem for him, but it was a habit) and ascended the small staircase. Vaguely, he heard Sei’s cheerful “okay!” as he entered the bedroom and shut the door behind him.

Aoba frowned as he surveyed his side of the shared closet. The sweat pants he had been planning on throwing on – his favorite pair, the light grey ones with the deep pockets – were missing from their usual spot on the floor. Weird. Had he left them somewhere else? He skimmed over the rest of the closet, even Sei’s side on the off chance they ended up over there, with no luck. As far as he knew the laundry wasn’t being done until tomorrow, and even if it was, why only take those pants? He was likely giving too much thought to a pair of misplaced pants but they were his _favorite_ and they were really comfortable and would have really been the icing on the metaphorical cake.

“Aoba, is everything alright?” Ren’s ever watchful eye caught his hesitation.

“Ren, did I leave my sweatpants somewhere yesterday? I could have sworn I put them right here…” Aoba nudged a pile of clothes he had yet to put away.

“I do not recall you leaving them anywhere unusual,” Ren replied, moving his tail side to side like a real dog waiting for his owner. “Perhaps if you cleaned up and organized your clothes it would be easier to find specific items such as your sweatpants.” But a real dog wouldn’t give him this much unintentional sass. He narrowed his eyes at his small companion and, because he was mature, stuck his tongue out at him. Ren only tilted his head to the side, otherwise not reacting to the childish gesture. Aoba sighed and looked back to closet, giving the pants up for lost – for now – and picked up his second favorite pair (also grey, but slightly darker and a little tighter at his calves). He tugged them on over a clean pair of boxer briefs and grabbed a shirt from the drawer to pull on as he made his way back downstairs, Ren once more comfortably settled in his arms.

“Hey, Granny,” he called, entering the kitchen where the smell of fried noodles and vegetables filled his nose. “How long until dinner?”

“However long it takes to finish, which will be longer if you keep hovering! Out!” She didn’t turn to look at him as she spoke, but punctuated her command with a wave of the cooking chopsticks in her hand.

“Okay, okay, I’m going!” He laughed to himself, relocating into the living room. He sat (more like flopped) onto the couch and spread out to use the arm rest as a pillow. He set Ren on his stomach and shifted to make himself comfortable, moving his attention to whatever Sei had been watching earlier. It was an old comedy, as far as he could tell, and looked vaguely familiar, like he had seen it before as a child but couldn’t remember any details. Since he had started in the middle, he didn’t really understand what was going on and it didn’t take long for his attention to drift.

It took Ren jumping on his chest to bring him back to the real world.

“Aoba, I believe I have located your pants.” Once Ren had his attention, he spoke, but it took Aoba a few seconds to register what had been said.

“Huh?” He was still a little dazed from zoning out and his eyes took a minute to refocus on the real world, and he shook his head to speed up the process. When the last of the fuzziness left his vision, the first thing he noticed was Sei standing directly in front of the TV, trying to hide a grin behind his hand. The second thing Aoba took immediate note of was the overwhelming strawberry scent of Sei’s favorite shampoo. Aoba preferred a more plain smelling kind, but he thought that the fruity sweetness suited his twin.

The third thing he noticed, a little belatedly, were the pants Sei was wearing. More specifically, as Ren had so helpfully pointed out, that they were _his pants._ The very pants he had been searching for 20 minutes ago. Aoba had slightly wider hips, not that he really cared all that much, but it was more obvious than usual with the way the waistband sat just a little lower on Sei than it did on himself. Low enough for the top of his underwear to peek out, and a sliver of skin to show when he raised his arms to continue drying his hair.

_He looks really good in them though._

Aoba’s eyes widened at the thought and he forced his cheeks to remain a normal color. He was done with that kind of thing, at least for the night, and the last thing he need was Ren commenting on his heartrate or temperature as he was wont to do. He absolutely would not let himself go back there, no matter how good Sei smelled or how tempting he looked in Aoba’s pants…

He blinked hard and pushed the thoughts away. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy a nice dinner with Sei and Granny. He was aware that he had been silent for a little longer than was probably normal, and that both Sei and Ren were looking at him funny, probably wondering why he was spacing out again.

“Sorry,” he smiled in a way that hopefully showed no sign of what had been on his mind. IT quickly morphed into a frown as he looked his brother’s choice of attire. “Sei, why are you wearing my pants? I was looking for them.” He crossed his arms as he stared directly at his twin. Really, he had only said it to tease him, but Sei frowned a little and looked down.

“I’m sorry, Aoba, they just looked so comfy… I can change, if you want.” Sei looked genuinely upset, and Aoba rushed to correct himself.

“No! No, I was just joking, Sei,” he waved his arms in front of him as if to wave away any misunderstanding. “I don’t mind, I just thought I was going a little crazy. You look good in them.” He shut his mouth before he said something even more awkward and sat up, putting Ren on the cushion beside him and putting him into sleep mode. Was that a weird thing to say? If it was, Sei didn’t comment.

“You think so?” Sei smiled a little at him, and continued to dry his hair gently. He was about to invite Sei to sit with him until dinner was ready, but was cut off before he could speak.

“Sei! Aoba! Make yourselves useful and set the table. Dinner’s about ready.” Granny called them from the depths of the kitchen.

“Yes, Granny!” The twins answered in unison and hurried to do as they were told. Aoba pretended he wasn’t staring at the way Sei’s hips swayed slightly as he walked.

* * *

Thankfully, dinner went smoothly; any improper thoughts about Sei were easily dismissed as Aoba talked with his family. Afterwards, he took his customary position as dish washer (he and Sei alternated between washing and drying) and continued his conversation with his twin like normal.

When he was finished washing and Sei was concentrating on drying the last bowl, Aoba decided now was a good a time as any for some payback for stealing his pants. He took advantage of the moment Sei looked away to place the dish in the cupboard to gather a dollop of soap bubbles on his fingers, and as soon as Sei turned his head, he struck.

Sei made a cute noise of surprise as his nose was smeared with the fruity smelling soap, and momentarily went cross eyed trying to look at it.

“That’s payback, for taking my favorite pants.” He laughed at the blank look on his brother’s face as he tried to piece together what had just happened. Eventually it clicked and Sei rolled his eyes at Aoba’s antics, but joined in the laughter as well.

“Fine, fine, fair enough. But now we’re even!” Sei wiped the soap off of his nose and for a second Aoba braced himself for retaliation, but it seemed Sei really was going to let it go as he rinsed his hand in the sink. “Do you want to watch a movie or something? It’s still pretty early.”

“Sure.” Aoba agreed and followed his twin to the living room after rinsing and drying his hands. “Did you have something in mind you wanted to watch?”

Sei just shrugged. “Not really. Whatever’s on TV is fine.” He plopped down in the middle of the couch and patted the cushion beside him.

Aoba nodded his assent and moved Ren aside to sit down, picking up the remote and switching the TV on as he got comfortable. He began scrolling through the channels one by one, trusting that Sei would let him know if something caught his attention. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Oh, let’s watch this!” Sei pointed at the screen for emphasis. The movie playing was an old animated one with talking animals and magic, probably meant for little kids instead of 23 year olds. But Sei already seemed to be engrossed in the story, so he left it alone and set the remote back on the table. His brother had always been a child at heart, and that extended to things like this too. He wasn’t immature or childish – the opposite actually – he just liked what he liked, and Aoba thought that part of him was pretty cute.

_Not in a weird way though._

He quickly mentally corrected himself. Worried that his thoughts were about to veer into unwanted territory, he focused his energy on immersing himself in the fantasy world playing before him.

Which worked for about ten minutes.

Aoba wasn’t as interested in the movie as Sei was, which didn’t help in his endeavor to keep his thoughts from wandering. The more he tried to think of other things, the more his brain seemed to veer back to the events of his shower earlier. He was glad the lights were off in the room or he was sure Sei would see the blush forming on his cheeks. He shifted uncomfortably, leaning further back into the cushions and propping his feet on the coffee table. Tae would have yelled at him, but she had already retired to her room for the night, so he figured he was safe.

His shifting jostled Sei a little, given their proximity – when had they gotten so close together? – and Sei glanced back at him, just for a second, before returning his gaze to the screen.

He must have taken Aoba’s movement as a cue for himself to get more comfortable as well, which would have been fine, except that it wasn’t. Aoba was suddenly very aware of Sei’s position, because now his brother’s head was laying on his shoulder, his arms hooked around his own, and _wow, his hands are so soft…_

Aoba froze as Sei settled in. Wasn’t this the sort of thing that couples do? No, they were brothers, Sei was just comfortable like this, or maybe he was cold? There was absolutely nothing weird with cuddling your twin. If this was even cuddling; it was more Sei using Aoba as a human pillow. He didn’t mind it. If Ren was awake, he would’ve made some poorly timed comment about his thought circuits shorting out, but he couldn’t help it. Aoba was too aware of the closeness they were sharing after the events in the shower and every part of him Sei touched felt like it was on fire.

They stayed that way for the rest of the movie, Sei leaning against Aoba without a care in the world, and Aoba trying with all his might to appear as relaxed and unconcerned about the current situation as he ought to be. Finally, too soon but not soon enough, the movie ended and Sei untangled himself from Aoba’s arm.

He stood up, yawning and stretching, causing his shirt to ride up even higher than before and Aoba had to physically rip his eyes from the sight. This was not good.

“I think I’m gonna head to bed, the movie made me tired. What about you?” Sei looked at him after switching off the TV, leaving only the hallway light to guide them upstairs. The light spilling from the doorway made Sei look as if he was glowing.

“Ah, yeah, I’ll be up in a minute. I’m gonna get some water.” Aoba stood up and stretched as Sei nodded and walked out of the living room. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, and dragged his hands over his face.

_What is wrong with me?_

He wondered, as we went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, whether all siblings were as close as he and Sei were. He knew most siblings, even twins, got into fights occasionally, and wondered what it meant that he and Sei never had. They’d had arguments, of course, but they were always easily solved and never lasted more than a few hours at most. That probably wasn’t normal. Did other twins cuddle when they watched a movie together? Maybe that was a standard twin thing; they didn’t know any other twins who would know, and even if they did, there was no way to ask something like that without being strange.

He took a drink of water and slapped his cheek a few times.

_Calm down. It’s pointless to worry about it anyway._

He thanked his rational side for stepping up, and made sure to grab Ren as he made his way upstairs.

Sei was already comfortable under the covers when Aoba entered the room. Being cautious as to not disturb him in case he was already asleep, he quietly set Ren down on his pillow by the bed, and gently slid under the blanket on his side.

“I’m still awake, you know.” He heard the smile behind Sei’s words and rolled his eyes.

“Well I didn’t know that. I didn’t to wake you up if you weren’t.” Sei laughed a little at that.

“Always the gentleman, Aoba. But I would never fall asleep without saying goodnight to my cute little brother.” Sei insisted on calling him his ‘little brother’ even though in reality he was only four minutes older. Aoba had stopped caring a long time ago. Saying goodnight was something they always did since as long as Aoba could remember. It used to be a sort of reassurance, a comfort that the other was there in case their nightmares got bad. Much the same reason that they still shared a bed, even at 23. Whatever the reason, Aoba still found comfort in the familiarity of their nightly routine.

“Goodnight, Sei.” He closed his eyes, suddenly very tired now that he was warm under the covers.

“Goodnight, Aoba.” And that was the last thing he heard before his dreams stole him away.

* * *

When Aoba woke up next, it wasn’t to any of the usual things that would normally wake him up, like his coil alarm, or Granny yelling at him to ‘Get up! It’s almost noon and you’re still asleep, you useless grandson’. Also, it was still dark, and with no immediately obvious reason to be awake, he was very confused. He groggily looked around as best he could without actually moving and upon seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he thought it was fine to go back to sleep. He was about to settle back into the warm arms wrapped around him when he paused. He was almost positive he hadn’t gone home with anyone that night – he was fairly sure he hadn’t left the house at all (his still semi-conscious state made ‘fairly sure’ as certain as he was going to get).

_Who the hell…?_

Barely a moment later he stiffened, eyes widening as all remnants of sleep left him. Sei. Sei was cuddling him. Spooning him, if he wanted to be specific, which really didn’t help matters at all. In all honesty, Aoba was tempted to pretend he hadn’t woken up at all, to go back to sleep and indulge in his brother’s warmth. He was so comfortable, and it would be so easy to fall back asleep like this…

But then Sei shifted a little closer, and it was suddenly much less comfortable that it had been five seconds ago. He could be imagining it, a sleep-induced hallucination that he wouldn’t even remember in the morning. He tried to shift away again, but he was nearly at the edge of the bed as it was, and really he should’ve predicted the consequences of wiggling like that in this situation. ‘This situation’ meaning laying there, cuddling with his brother while said brother’s boner was poking into his back. This was very, very bad. Whatever miniscule amount of room he managed to put between them was promptly closed up when Sei hugged him even closer, pressing his hips against Aoba’s ass.

_Do I wake him up? He’d be so embarrassed. But I can’t sleep like this._

Mind made up, he thought about the best way to go about waking up his twin with minimal awkwardness. Maybe if he tried moving around, Sei would move and he could pretend to be asleep if he woke up. Perfect. Aoba first tried to twist around a bit so he was laying on his back, but there really wasn’t enough room for such a maneuver and all it accomplished was pressing his ass further against Sei’s dick and…

_Fuck, that felt good._

He dismissed that thought before it could make a permanent home in his mind. Aoba absolutely refused to exploit Sei like that. He was probably dreaming about a pretty girl (or maybe a guy, was Sei into guys?) and here was Aoba, his _twin brother_ , enjoying the effects of that dream without his knowledge. Aoba felt disgusting.

The second attempt was more successful than the first at least, allowing Aoba to lie on his back in a much less precarious position. But the results were not at all what he had hoped. Sei did move, but not away from him. He only adjusted a bit, still fast asleep, with one arm now resting across Aoba’s stomach, and a leg hooked over Aoba’s thigh. This was almost worse than before. And apparently, Sei really liked this new set-up, because his hips continued moving – slowly, barely, but still definitely moving. Right against Aoba’s hip.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck –_

“Sei?” He spoke, desperation lacing his voice, hoping that Sei would wake up soon. Aoba’s own dick twitched a little, and he closed his eyes, willing it to stop. “Sei!”

“Mm…Aoba…”

Aoba’s eyes flew open, hoping (but secretly not at all) that Sei was awake and acknowledging him, and that’s why his name had left his twin’s mouth.

“S-Sei…?” When he got no response, a complicated swirl of dread and arousal settled in his gut. Sei was dreaming about him. Sei was dreaming about him, and he was hard. His brother was dreaming about him, he was hard, and he was moaning his name. Aoba’s own dick stiffened for the second time that day. “Sei!”

“Ao – ba… hm?” Thank god. Sei was awake. His hips stopped moving and he sat up a little, looking around confused. When he noticed the position they were in he froze, much like Aoba had earlier, and neither spoke for a few moments. In those few moments, Aoba realized something: he still had a boner. Not only that, he had gotten that way from his twin rutting against him in his sleep. And Sei was going to notice any second now. At least Sei had an excuse; dreams are strange, and do weird things to normal people. But Aoba? He was awake and fully aware, and he had to leave _now._

“I – I have to… go.” He had barely finished his sentence before he was on his feet, grabbing Ren and a jacket, and rushing for the door.

“Wait, Aoba!” But he didn’t wait. He nearly ran into the hallway, slamming the door probably a little too loudly and almost fell down the stairs in his haste to leave. He’ll have to apologize to Granny later.

_And Sei._

He slipped on an old pair of sneakers and somehow remembered to grab the key as he left the house.

_Shit, why did I leave? Sei’s going to think I’m angry or something._

Granted, he was angry, but not at Sei. He was angry at himself for reacting that way, for having those feelings in the first place, and now for being an idiot and running away like a scared puppy.

At least his dick recognized that it wasn’t going to be getting any attention tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't think of a good title, so here we are.  
> Also, sorry if it's kinda choppy. I'll be uploading in parts, I'm thinking it'll be about 4-5 'chapters'.  
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Aoba walked for a little while, before realizing that it wasn’t doing him any good to wallow in his thoughts like this. What he needed was company, someone to talk to about everything. But who could he talk to that wouldn’t be disgusted by him?

He groaned, loudly, and pushed Ren’s forehead to power him on as he sat against a building in an alley a few blocks from his house.

“Aoba.” Ren blinked up at him, and Aoba was disproportionately relieved at the normalcy of his greeting. “You’re heart rate is elevated and you are still in your pajamas, though we are outside. Is something the matter?” He placed his paws on Aoba’s chest and looked up at him with the most concerned eyes a robotic dog could muster. Even just that made Aoba feel a little better.

“You could say that. Nothing you need to worry about though, I’ll be okay. I just needed to get out for a bit.” Despite it being a pointless gesture, Aoba gently moved his fingers through Ren’s fur. It was comforting in a way.

“If that is what you think is best. As your ALLmate, I am here to assist you in any way that I am able. Even if it is only to listen.” Aoba smiled at his earnestness. What would he ever do without Ren?

“Thanks, Ren. What time is it?” He hadn’t remembered to take his coil in his rush to escape the house. Thankfully, Ren didn’t question it.

“It is currently 12:14 AM. I would recommend that you find somewhere to stay if you are not ready to return home. It is unwise to loiter in Rib territory. Perhaps Mizuki will allow you to stay at Black Needle.”

“Yeah, that would probably be best. Could you send him a message? Say I’m heading over, and to keep the couch upstairs open for me.”

“Understood.”

With that taken care of, Aoba stood, carrying Ren in his arms, and began the walk to Black Needle.

* * *

It wasn’t as busy as he anticipated, though he supposed it was pretty late on a Tuesday night. He walked through the door and spotted his best friend right away.

“Aoba! You’re… still in your pajamas? And you forgot your coil. Is everything okay?” Leave it to Mizuki to get straight to the point. He immediately ducked behind the counter to make him a drink.

“I mean, not really, but it’s probably not something I should talk about. Can I crash here tonight?” Mizuki gave him a concerned look but otherwise didn’t comment. His customary smile was back in no time and he placed a glass of fruity smelling liquor in front of him.

“Of course! I always have room for cute runaways.” He punctuated his declaration with a wink and Aoba just snorted.

“Whatever, asshole. Thanks though.” He took a sip of his drink and was surprised at the taste. He could tell it was strong, but it didn’t burn his throat like he was expecting it to. “What is this?” He finished the glass before Mizuki could even answer. He looked at Aoba with amusement and shook his head when Aoba handed the glass back to him, a silent request for another.

“The fruitiest drink I’ve ever made. Berry-flavored white rum with grenadine and soda. The bubbles mask the burn pretty nicely, huh?” Aoba just nodded as he took another sip from the new drink. He should probably slow down; he was a notorious light-weight, and with the lack of food in his stomach and minimal amount of sleep, he was asking for a disaster.

He kept drinking anyway.

They made small talk for a bit while Aoba drank, and on his fourth glass, Mizuki declared he was cutting him off for at least an hour. Aoba rolled his eyes at that (which only made him dizzy) but didn’t argue. He trusted Mizuki to know what he’s talking about. And he was feeling more than a bit tipsy already.

“So, is there a reason you’re not at home right now, or is that part of the thing you shouldn’t talk about?” Mizuki wasn’t interrogating him, Aoba could tell that much. He was just concerned for him. But Aoba really, really wanted to confide in someone, and who better than Mizuki? Mizuki wouldn’t judge him, right? He must have noticed how attractive Sei was, and therefore would sympathize with him, Aoba was sure. But what if he didn’t? What if Mizuki thought he was disgusting and kicked him out? That’s what a normal person would do. No, he was assuming the worst. If he could talk to anyone, he could talk to Mizuki. He would understand.

“Um, hello? Earth to Aoba. You’re zoning on me.” Aoba looked Mizuki directly in the eyes, as if that would tell him whether he was trustworthy enough for Aoba to confide in. Mizuki met his gaze, not at all intimidated by his friend’s sudden concentration. Logical Aoba said ‘no way, keep your stupid mouth shut’, but Drunk Aoba said ‘you absolutely should tell him, right now, immediately’. And Drunk Aoba is very persuasive.

“I will tell you,” he said, while leaning forward a little. “But you have to promise not to kick me out on the street. You got me drunk, so you have to take responsibility.”

Mizuki raised an eyebrow, but responded just as seriously. “Alright, you have my word.”

Aoba nodded, satisfied with the response, and opened his mouth. “I got hard earlier.” This was going to be more complicated than he thought.

Mizuki waited for Aoba to collect his thoughts, but decided he could use some help. “And… you ran away from home because an inconvenient boner?”

“No! I’m not done.” He creased his eyebrows, trying to find the right words. “I got hard earlier, because…” He paused. Even drunk, it was hard to admit that his own twin would elicit that sort of reaction. He took a deep breath and spit it out. Or at least, he tried to. “Becauseseiwashmpinmeinisleepansaidmynameanireallylikedit.”

Mizuki blinked once, twice, unable to decipher whatever had just spilled from Aoba’s mouth. “Come again?”

Aoba sighed, and forced himself to speak slower. “Sei. Was sort of humping my leg in his sleep. And… he said my name. And I kind of… didn’t… hate it…” He trailed off at the end, and the blush on his cheeks was so deep he wondered of there was any blood left anywhere else in his body.

Mizuki was silent for a moment, probably processing what he was hearing. He thought Aoba was disgusting. He was going to kick him out and never speak to him again. He would tell Koujaku, and Koujaku would tell his fans, and the whole island would know just how sick Aoba was. He had to leave Midorijima. No, he should probably leave Japan, just to be safe. If he hurried, he could probably get Noiz to take him to Germany before the news reached him –

“Is that all?”

_Huh?_

“But Sei is going to hate me if he finds out! And then the whole island will know how messed up I am, and I’ll have to leave Japan. I don’t know German, Mizuki!” Aoba looked at him with desperation, but Mizuki looked beyond amused at his words.

“Really, Aoba?” Mizuki was smiling, laughing, but not in a mean way. Aoba was confused. “I swear, if you two were any more oblivious…” He didn’t finish his sentence, and instead rested an elbow on the counter and looked seriously in Aoba’s eyes. It was a little intimidating. “Before you ran away like a small child, did you bother to think about why Sei did that in the first place?” Aoba would have been offended, but he was preoccupied with Mizuki’s question. Of course he knew why, it was a dream. Dreams were weird. Seeing Aoba’s struggle, he jumped in to help.

“Alright, think about it this way. You like Sei, right?” Having it laid out so plainly caught Aoba off guard, but he supposed he wasn’t wrong. He hesitantly nodded, sealing his fate as a gross pervert. He’d come this far anyway. “Okay, so, is it so hard to believe that maybe Sei likes you back?”

It probably shouldn’t have shocked him as much as it did, but here he was, frozen as he considered a possibility that had never crossed his mind before now. “B-but you can’t have feelings like that for your twin! It’s weird.”

“But you do.”

“I…” He couldn’t argue with that. Mizuki watched as the gears began turning and the pieces fell into place.

“Alright, here’s the plan. You’re going to go upstairs, sleep, wake up with a terrible hangover that I will personally take responsibility for, and then you’re going to think. You’re going to think until you realize that you losers like each other, morals be damned, and then you’re going to go home and fix whatever mess you made when you ran away.” He said it so confidently, with no room to argue, not that Aoba could have even he wanted to. His mind was spinning, from the alcohol and from the realization that _Sei might like him back_. He could only nod in agreement. “Good.” Mizuki grinned at him, like this was a completely normal thing, like setting up his best friend with his twin wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d done. Aoba wondered in the back of mind what sort of things Mizuki had heard as a bartender.

He allowed Mizuki to guide him from the bar to the stairs and then up to Mizuki’s bed. His confusion must have shown, because Mizuki answered his question before he asked it. “You’re sleeping in the bed, because you will be even more useless tomorrow if you have a hangover _and_ a sore back.” Aoba didn’t object, sitting down on the futon and reaching for Ren.

“Wait, where’s Ren?” Oh no. Had he heard their conversation?

“I am here, Aoba.” Ren padded over from the doorway. Oh god. “I took the liberty of entering into sleep mode when you began your conversation with Mizuki. I hope that was acceptable.” Aoba literally felt a weight lift off his chest at his words. He admitted everything to Mizuki, but he didn’t think Ren needed that sort of information. Ren seemed to have an uncanny ability to read situations, and act accordingly even without Aoba’s direct instructions. He had never been happier about it than in that moment.

“Yeah, its fine, Ren. You can go ahead and go to sleep again, we’re staying here for the night.”

“Understood. Goodnight, Aoba.”

Aoba yawned, and was sort of glad he hadn’t bothered to change out of his pajamas.

“Goodnight, Ren. Goodnight, Mizuki. Thanks for… yeah…” He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

As expected, Aoba woke up to a pounding headache and his stomach contents trying to force their way out of his throat. He groaned, but that only made his nausea worse. “Nng…”

“Good morning, Aoba.” Ren spoke quieter than usual, probably having turned down the volume on his speakers as to not agitate Aoba’s hangover further. “How are you feeling?”

“’morning. I feel probably about as bad as I look. Where’s Mizuki?” He blinked open his eyes and immediately regretted it. The light flooding in through the curtains was blinding.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Mizuki greeted him far too cheerfully for his hungover self to handle and he grimaced. “Aw, don’t give me that look. I’m here to take of you, as promised. Take these.” Aoba was handed two small pills and a glass of water. He swallowed them down without so much as questioning what they might be. “So, how much of last night do you remember?”

_Last night…?_

Oh yeah, he had slept at Black Needle last night, which explained why he had automatically asked for Mizuki earlier. He remembered drinking – a lot – and talking to Mizuki about…

His face drained of what little color he had, and Mizuki just sighed.

“So you do remember. Well, too late to go back now, right? And I’m not gonna kick you out or tell anyone or anything. You had it in your head that you’d have to leave the country, I think.” He chuckled a bit remembering Aoba’s drunken rambling.

Aoba closed his eyes again. This was too much so early in the morning. If it was even still morning. He chose to ignore the daunting situation for the time being, at least until he was fully aware of where he was, and for how long.

“What time is it?”

“It is 1:42 PM. You have slept through breakfast and lunch, and I would strongly recommend that you attempt to eat something before beginning your day.” Aoba wrinkled his nose at Ren’s suggestion. Food was the last thing he wanted right now, when his stomach was still threatening to empty itself. “At least some more water.” Ren seemed to sense Aoba’s thoughts, and though even that didn’t sound all that appealing, he couldn’t deny that his mouth and throat were extremely dry. He took a few more sips of the water Mizuki had brought him, and opened his eyes again.

“What do I do now?” His question wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, but Mizuki was the one to speak up.

“Well, you definitely can’t go home like that. Tae will kill you, and me for letting you get like this.” That’s right, he hadn’t talked to Tae after he left. He was going to be in so much shit when he got back. His head gave a weak throb. “Before you start freaking out, I already talked to her this morning. I let her know you’re with me and probably won’t be back until tomorrow. Unless you want to go home tonight, but you’re welcome to stay if you want.” As much as he didn’t want to inconvenience his friend, Aoba was in no way ready to face his brother yet.

“No, I’ll stay until tomorrow. Thank you, Mizuki.” His thanks encompassed everything that Mizuki had done for him from last night until now, and he was sure Mizuki knew that.

“Don’t mention it. You’ve got a lot to think about I’m sure. Oh, I also told Tae I’d make sure you knew what an irresponsible and inconsiderate grandson you are. I guess you woke her up when you left.”

“Thanks a lot, dickhead.”

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Well, as much as I would like to stay and babysit you, we functioning adults have work to do.” Aoba glared as best he could in his current state. “Here. You probably don’t wanna sit in those clothes all day, comfy as they look. And your breath stinks.” He handed him a change of clothes and a toothbrush. "Go take a shower.”

His words seemed harsh, that was just how he was, and Aoba didn’t take any offense from it. He was immensely grateful for all that Mizuki was doing for him. It went far beyond his expectations, almost suspiciously so. “Why are you doing all this?”

“What, helping out my best friend with his incestuous relationship problems?” Aoba’s stomach did a funny turn at that, but he supposed he wasn’t wrong. That was a word he never thought he’d use to describe himself. “Whoa, don’t look like that, it was just a joke. Sorry, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant that it’s about time you two realized your feelings for each other. It’s painful to watch you guys be so oblivious.” Wait, you _two_?

“What do you mean, ‘you two’?” Aside from his lingering discomfort at Mizuki’s blunt description of the situation, now he was just confused. And worried. “You mean, Sei too? And am I really that obvious? Oh god, everyone knows already don’t they. I really do have to leave the country.” He put his head in his hands in despair.

“Shh, Aoba, calm down. I only noticed because it’s my job as a bartender to notice these things. I doubt anyone else could tell. I promise.” He added on at the disbelieving face Aoba made. “As for the other thing, yes Aoba, Sei too.”

Aoba wasn’t sure how he felt at that moment. His mind was going a mile a minute, endless possibilities circling around and around, over and over. But one thought prevailed over all the rest.

_Sei likes me too._

“Well, you look like you’re about to think yourself to death, so I’ll leave you to talk it through with Ren. See you later.”

And with that Mizuki left the room. Aoba belatedly realized exactly what he had just said. ‘I’ll leave you to talk it over with Ren.’ Ren. He had been so quiet that Aoba forgot Ren was still awake. And now Ren knew. Aoba dropped his face into his hands again and peeked shyly at his ALLmate between his fingers. “Um, Ren…”

“I believe it would be prudent for me to say that who you have feelings for is none of my concern, and I do not think any differently of you for it.” Aoba stared into Ren’s dark eyes and almost cried at the reassurance. No, he did cry. First Mizuki, and now Ren, and neither hated him for his messed up feelings. Aoba gathered Ren into his arms and pressed him into his chest. He felt the tears falling down his cheeks, and sniffled a little. “Thank you, Ren.” He brought Ren’s tiny forehead to his own and closed his eyes. “Really, truly, thank you.”

“The pleasure is mine.”

* * *

Aoba spent the rest of the day walking around the Old Resident District, talking with Ren, and gathering up the courage to return home. He felt bad that he had left so suddenly, not giving Sei any sort of explanation. He hoped he would understand, and forgive him.

But he was still nervous.

_What if Mizuki is wrong? What if it really is just me?_

He tried his best not to think like that, but it was harder than he thought. He couldn’t stand the humiliation if he were to admit his feelings to Sei, only to be told that he was weird, and gross, and have Sei hate him.

But on the other hand…

What if Mizuki was right? What if Sei really did feel the same way? What would happen then? They obviously couldn’t go back to their normal familial relationship. That in itself was terrifying, but if something even better replaced it…

Aoba continued to think in the same circles all day, sometimes silently, sometimes talking it through with Ren. Though, since Ren was an ALLmate he couldn’t really understand the more emotional pieces of the situation, but he was still extremely helpful. He offered whatever insight he could, and listening patiently and attentively otherwise.

By the time he returned to Black Needle that night, he figured he had about as much confidence as he was going to get, and settled in (on the couch this time) to rest up for what was sure to be an eventful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have therapist Mizuki. What would Aoba do without him?  
> Next part is gonna be Sei's POV, so yeah, that'll be fun


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself sad writing this

Sei watched helplessly as Aoba slammed the door behind him, footsteps loud on the stairs and echoing in Sei’s ears. It was the middle of the night and the loud footsteps and slamming doors were sure to wake Granny. But that didn’t really matter to him right now. He was worried about his brother walking around at night by himself, not because he was weak or anything, but because he was very attractive with his long hair and pale skin and he always seemed to attract unsavory attention wherever he went. Aoba had been lucky so far, to be able to escape potentially dangerous situations before they got really bad, but one of these days he wouldn’t be so fortunate. It was only a matter of time before there were one too many people to fight off, one too many drinks in his system and what then? Sei hated thinking about it, it made him sick to contemplate those things, but he couldn’t help his nervousness. He briefly considered going after him to try to convince him to come back, to forget anything had happened, to forgive him. Because it was his fault Aoba had left in the first place.

That thought brought back his nausea ten-fold, and he realized that he was probably the last person Aoba wanted to see right now. Sei didn’t blame him. Anyone would be shocked, and confused, and probably a bit angry if they woke up with their twin brother rocking his hips against them, erection digging into their hip and light pants hitting their neck. A normal person would be absolutely disgusted. On the other side of that, no normal person had _that sort_ of dream about their twin brother. Sei couldn’t actually recall the content of the dream, nearly all of the details had disappeared when he woke up, but he could vaguely remember Aoba’s name spilling from his lips during that transitional stage between awake and asleep. And it was that name, that whisper in his brother’s ear that had sealed his fate. A fate of being labelled as a disgusting pervert in his twin’s mind. He couldn’t really argue against it though. He deserved that title after all. He had been so careful, so cautious about keeping Aoba in the dark about his twisted fantasies. He never masturbated while Aoba was in the house, made sure not to linger when they hugged, even went out on a few dates with some very nice people for good measure.

And it had all been for naught. He wondered in the back of his mind what had brought on such a vivid and sexual dream. They hadn’t gone to the beach lately (it was still too cold for swimming) and they were too old for showering together to be comfortable, had been for years, so it clearly wasn’t something he had seen. Nor had they had any particularly close contact aside from the usual hugs or laying together on the couch to watch TV, things they did all the time and Sei never had any trouble with, at least nothing he couldn’t control, so it wasn’t a physical thing either. He gave up trying to make any logical sense out of it, because nothing about his situation was logical anyway. This might have been avoided altogether if they didn’t still share a bed. It was a habit they had kept from childhood, when Sei would have nightmares and Aoba got scared of sleeping alone, and it had stuck. It had never posed an issue for either of them – until now of course. His head was starting to pound so he chalked it all up to karma for thinking those sorts of things about Aoba in the first place, and flopped back down to the bed, staying as far away from Aoba’s side as he could. He had humiliated himself enough for one night. He pretended to be asleep when Tae inevitably came up to yell at them for making so much noise so late at night, and managed to avoid any questions for time being.

All he could do for now was hope and pray to whatever gods were listening that Aoba would forgive him.

* * *

Sei was planning on talking to Aoba after breakfast that morning, to get it out of the way as soon as possible. He was going to tell him that it was a mistake, and he really, truly, didn’t think of him like that, because they were brothers and that was weird. He was going to promise that it would never happen again, and ask him to please forgive him because he was really sorry and he really didn’t want to lose his brother because of this. It was only half a lie – he really was sorry, and would rather gouge out his own eyes than ruin the relationship he and Aoba had – and he figured a small lie was a small price to pay if it meant Aoba would forgive him. He had it all planned out, and had mentally prepared himself while getting ready so he wouldn’t lose his nerve when the time came.

But the time never came.

It never came because Aoba wasn’t at breakfast. Or lunch. Not even returning for dinner. He must have talked to Granny before he got up, because she never asked him about the noise last night or where Aoba had gone. Aoba didn’t want her to worry. Sei wanted to cry.

He spent all day sitting in their bedroom, trying to distract himself while he waited for Aoba to return with games, books, TV, anything that might hold his interest. He didn’t know where Aoba had gone, and he couldn’t ask Granny without making her suspicious – the twins always kept each other updated on things like that – but he was pretty sure he was spending the day with one of his friends, maybe at Black Needle. He thought again about going out to find him, but decided against it, for much the same reason as last night. Aoba was avoiding him for a reason, and a very good reason at that, and Sei didn’t want to upset him any more than he already had. The waiting was driving him insane, however, and he eventually resorted to taking some cold medicine to knock himself out, shut his brain off until dinner time. He opted for the liquid kind, because the pills would take a while to kick in and he wasn’t feeling particularly patient. It tasted disgusting, the thick syrup coating his throat in a way that probably would have been soothing if he had actually had a cold. But it was worth it for a few hours of deep, dreamless sleep.

When Granny woke him up, and informed him that Aoba wouldn’t be joining them that night, it took everything he had not to burst into tears on the spot. A full day had passed and Aoba was still avoiding him. He understood, of course, but it still hurt. His appetite was all but gone, the knot in his stomach not leaving any room for food. But if he said he wasn’t hungry, Granny would be suspicious, so he told her in a shaky voice that he would be down in a minute. Though she raised her brow slightly at the weak sound she didn’t comment. Sei was grateful she hadn’t asked because he probably wouldn’t have been able to keep it together if she had. The last thing he needed was both Aoba _and_ Granny knowing he was a pervert. But if he didn’t want to be scolded for being slow – gods knew he wasn’t in the mood for it – he needed to get downstairs immediately.

He managed to make it through dinner successfully, albeit quietly; Granny’s food was delicious as always, and the knot from earlier dissipated just enough to allow him to eat a decent amount. He ate at a normal pace, answered all of Granny’s questions with normal answers in a normal voice, and cleaned up afterwards with his normal enthusiasm (or a least a convincing imitation of it). Everything was fine and she didn’t suspect a thing.

Or so he thought.

“Sei.” He visibly flinched at the sound. He should have known he wouldn’t be able to lie to Granny. She was intelligent and observant, and knew her grandsons like the back of her hand. He couldn’t find his voice to respond so he turned slowly and met her eyes feeling suddenly very vulnerable.

“I don’t know what happened between you and Aoba,” she began, and Sei looked away. “And I’m not going to ask about it either. You are adults and can deal with your own problems.” She took a sip of her tea before continuing. “That said, if you need help, you only need to ask. You are my grandson, after all.”

In any other situation, Sei would have been relieved to have that reassurance, to know that Granny would be there for him if he needed it. But as it was, it only made guilt roil in his gut, the knot returning tenfold. If she knew what the cause of their argument (could he even call it that?) was, she would take back her words in an instant. He felt tears forming again in the corners of his eyes and turned away before they started to fall.

“Thank you, Granny.” He held everything in as best he could until he was safely within the confines of the small bedroom, where he sank down, back against the door, and let his emotions spill over his eyelashes. He cried long and hard, probably dehydrating himself a good amount. He stayed there on the floor until his tears dried up, by that time too exhausted to move up to the bed. He let himself fall sideways and fell asleep there.

* * *

When Sei woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was that his back was aching and his neck was so stiff he could barely move it. The next thing he noticed was something hitting against his back and a confused ‘eh?’ when the thing that was hitting him wouldn’t move any farther. Finally, he realized that his name was being called in a tone growing increasingly more anxious as the seconds passed.

“Sei! At least respond so I know you’re not dead, please?” He heard the voice speaking, but it took him an extra couple seconds to process the content of the words. When his brain finally caught up to his ears, he was initially relieved that Aoba was finally home and hadn’t gotten himself into trouble. But his relief was short lived and guilt pushed its way in to wrap around him, suffocating. He opened his mouth to speak but found that he couldn’t, all of his feelings from the previous day crashing back at full force, rendering him speechless. He managed a small hum, and he heard Aoba sigh in relief.

“Why are you laying in front of the door?” Sei’s mind was slowly waking up and he was just lucid enough to understand that he was, in fact, curled up in front of the door and had been since last night. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep here, and embarrassment joined the cacophony of emotions swirling inside of him.

“Dunno.” He shrugged his shoulders as best he could in his current position and was glad to find his voice was working again. He still didn’t quite have the energy to remove himself from the doorway, so he stayed put.

“It doesn’t seem very comfortable down there. I bet your back hurts. Move up onto the bed and I’ll grab you some painkillers, okay? I’m sure Granny has some that’ll help.” When Aoba didn’t move away, Sei gathered that he was waiting some sort of affirmation or refusal from him. He was confused and more than a little nervous about the care Aoba was showing him. He had no reason to be so kind, and Sei didn’t know what to make of it. His lower back chose that moment to give a painful throb and he groaned a little. There was no harm in accepting his offer, right?

“…Okay.” He waited until he was sure Aoba had made it down the stairs before attempting to sit up. It hurt, more than he expected. It was his own fault though, for sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. Slowly he shifted to his knees and stood up, stretching backwards with his arms over his head in an attempt to alleviate some of the tension. It helped a little, but relieving the physical strain on his body wasn’t the most pressing matter at hand. Rather, the conversation he was about to have with Aoba would probably be much more painful than a few kinks in his spine. His anxiety was through the roof.

He shuffled over to the bed and wiggled under the covers (Aoba was right, it was much more comfortable), wondering if he tried hard enough if he could merge with the mattress and never have to see the look of disgust Aoba would likely have when he looked at him. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard footsteps outside of the room and a light knock on the door.

“Sei? I’m coming in, you’re not still on the floor, are you?” He watched as Aoba opened the door carefully, making sure that Sei was out of the way before he stepped inside and shut it behind him. When Aoba turned to look at him though, Sei hid his face behind the comforter; he felt like a child trying to avoid a scolding, but he couldn’t help it. He was embarrassed, mortified, and incredibly guilty. “Here, Granny didn’t have anything special, but I figured headache medicine was better than nothing.”

Sei managed to remove himself from the blankets enough to reach out and accept the pills and a glass of water. “…Thank you,” he muttered in a small voice, still unable to make eye contact. He dropped the pills in his mouth and took a sip of water. And then another. And another. He hadn’t realized how dry his throat was until now – probably a side effect of crying so much yesterday. He belatedly realized that he probably looked like a complete mess, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, but if he did Aoba didn’t comment on it. Sei thought that was nice of him.

“Um, about the other night,” Aoba began speaking, and sat down near the end of the bed. Sei felt his bottom lip quiver and he squeezed the glass tighter. “…I’m sorry.” Sei froze, wide eyed, the apology completely blindsiding him. Why was Aoba apologizing? Shouldn’t he be angry and yelling and telling Sei that he hated him and… “I’m sorry, for leaving so suddenly like that. And for not coming back. I was just… confused, I guess? And surprised.” He laughed awkwardly and started to play with the ends of his hair, seeming unsure of how to continue.

The shock of Aoba’s apology got Sei’s mouth moving again. “You… You’re not, mad?” He spoke quietly, like he was afraid that being too loud would scare Aoba away again. He didn’t want that.

“Mad? No, I’m not mad, Sei. That’s not something I could be mad at you for.” Aoba was still concentrating hard on the ends of his hair, probably feeling just as uncomfortable as Sei was.

“But, you didn’t come back all day… you were avoiding me, right? I thought you hated me.” Aoba snapped his head up and looked directly at him. His fingers dropped from his hair to the bed as he leaned forward a little, twisting just slightly.

“Sei, I could never hate you. Not for this, not for anything.” He averted his eyes again. “I mean, I was kind of avoiding you, but not because I was angry or anything. I just needed to think for a while. I never thought that you would…” He trailed off, leaving his sentence unfinished. He pursed his lips like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how. So Sei spoke instead.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Aoba,” Sei kept his eyes downcast. Now that he had started, he might as well get it all out. He tightened his grip on the blanket and drew his knees into his chest, taking a deep breath. “I deserved it. I’m disgusting. And I promise it won’t happen again, ever. I can sleep downstairs on the couch if you want, I don’t mind. I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Aoba, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” Sei felt tears falling down his cheeks again, and buried his face in the comforter again. Or, he tried to, but was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around him and pulling him into a tight hug.

“You’re not disgusting, Sei. Don’t ever call yourself that again.” Sei wanted to move away, to tell him to let go, but as though reading his mind, Aoba’s hold around him tightened, and Sei didn’t have the strength to fight back. He let himself lean into the embrace and sobbed heavily into Aoba’s shoulder. Aoba rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades, and rested his chin on top of Sei’s head. He felt safe here, in Aoba’s arms. Like he belonged. He felt a pang in his chest that was almost painful and he knew there was no coming back from this. He was so in love with his brother it hurt, and he could never have him in the way that he needed. Sei cried harder and fisted his hands in Aoba’s shirt.

“I’m sorry, Sei.” Aoba tilted his head to rest his cheek against Sei’s temple and moved his hand from his shoulders to his head, combing gently through his hair while he waited for Sei to calm down.

Eventually, his sobs calmed into ragged breaths, which calmed into sniffles and Sei extracted himself from his brother’s arms. He wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve and grimaced a little. Gross. Aoba must have noticed the expression because he laughed gently while he ran his thumbs under Sei’s eyes, wiping away the left over tears. It was comforting and loving and it hurt Sei in more ways than he could name, but he would never dream of telling him to stop.

“Do you feel better now?” Aoba didn’t speak with impatience, but with genuine concern, like he would sit here and hold Sei for hours if he needed to. Sei was impossibly grateful to have a twin as kind and understanding as Aoba. He didn’t deserve to be treated so gently.

“Yeah,” he sniffled. “I’m okay now.” Aoba smiled at that, and moved up the bed to rest against the headboard. Sei followed suit, but kept the blanket securely wrapped around him.

“Do you feel like talking about it?” No, Sei absolutely did not want to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about his more than brotherly feelings for his twin, about how that wasn’t the first time he had gotten off (or attempted to get off) with Aoba’s name on his lips, and he definitely did not want to hear Aoba reject him. He knew it was coming, but it would still hurt to hear it said aloud. But Sei also knew that if they didn’t talk about it, it would be a constant nagging in the back of their minds, and it would strain their relationship even more than it already was. So he nodded, and waited for Aoba to begin.

“How long have you felt this way?” It wasn’t the worst question he could’ve asked so Sei answered it honestly, embarrassing as it was.

“A while, I guess. A couple years, probably.” He didn’t move his eyes away from the stitching in the blanket, tracing each thread as far as he could follow. Sei could still feel Aoba’s gaze on him though, and his cheeks flushed.

“Why?” This question was a lot harder. Why _did_ he fall in love with his own twin? Was it the closeness they shared, the comfort? How he could tell that Aoba always put Sei first before anything else, including himself? The acceptance and support Aoba gave him constantly, no matter what?

“Because when you’re not here, I feel like a part of me is missing and I can only wait for you to come back so I can feel whole again. Because when I’m with you I feel accepted and loved and important. And because I know that if I asked you to, you would go to the ends of the earth to make me happy. And I want nothing more than to give you the same in return. I can’t do much for you, because you’re strong and independent and you can take care of yourself, but… I can love you. I can love you in a way that no one else can, and so I do.” Sei closed his mouth and immediately wished he could take it all back. It was stupid to admit all of that. What would Aoba do now that he knew? Sei closed his eyes and prepared for the worst. For the laughter, or the teasing, or the pity that he knew would inevitably follow such a pathetic confession. He sat completely still and waited for Aoba’s rejection.

When he felt Aoba move towards him he flinched a little, but relaxed when he realized what Aoba was doing. He was hugging him again. Except this time Aoba fit himself in the space between Sei’s neck and shoulder and squeezed tighter than he had before. Sei’s mind was blank.

“…ou too.” Sei only caught the end of the sentence and made a small noise of confusion, because he didn’t think his voice was strong enough to form words. “I said, I love you too, Sei.”

His mind was static. He felt numb all over, the only sensation he felt was Aoba’s warmth pressing against him. “You…love me?” Aoba nodded against his shoulder. “L-like a brother?” This time Aoba shook his head. “Aoba…?”

“I’ve loved you for a long time,” Aoba said quietly, still holding onto Sei. “Probably as long as you have. I kept it hidden, because I thought you would be uncomfortable, or grossed out.” He laughed a little at the turn of events. “I didn’t leave earlier because I was mad. I left because I was happy, and I didn’t want you to know. I thought you were going to say it was a mistake, or a joke, and that I would have to come back and act like I didn’t care.” Aoba’s voice started to shake and Sei felt wetness seep into his collar. “Ah, I’m sorry. I got your shirt wet.” He sat up and looked genuinely sorry about dirtying the corner of his shirt. Sei’s emotions were all over the place and at that moment he thought it was so funny, how upset Aoba looked at a few tear drops on his shoulder that he started laughing – really, honestly laughing. Aoba creased his eyebrows in concern, which only made Sei laugh harder.

“Hahah – I’m sorry it’s just, haha! You looked so upset about crying a little on my shirt and, heheh, you’re the one covered in snot and tears and it’s just so – hahaha!” Sei knew deep in his mind, that this was not nearly as funny as he believed it was, but he had been feeling so negative the past day and a half that he couldn’t help it. He was unbelievably happy, happier than he ever thought he could be. Aoba loved him. Aoba loved him in the same way that he loved Aoba. It was bliss.

Aoba probably guessed the real reason behind his sudden outburst and he smiled at the look of elation on Sei’s face. Seeing Aoba smile like that, at him, because of him, filled him with so much warmth that he couldn’t hold back. Sei was beaming from ear to ear as he grabbed both sides of Aoba’s face and brought their lips together in their first ever kiss. As soon as he fully realized what he was doing his anxiety spiked again and made to pull back, but Aoba chose that moment to reciprocate the kiss and pressed back against Sei. And now they were kissing. Sei kissed Aoba, and Aoba kissed back, and Sei thought he could die right now and be perfectly fine. He pressed a little harder against Aoba’s lips and pulled back separating their mouths. He thought it was adorable that Aoba moved forward a little, trying to keep Sei’s lips on his as long as he could. So adorable in fact, that he tackled him in a hug, in the same way that he used to when they were children, before they hit puberty and suddenly tackle-hugging your brother went from fun and playful to weird and uncomfortable.

And maybe it was still a little weird, but it definitely wasn’t uncomfortable to be so close, so affectionate. It felt right to be connected with his twin like this. This time, it was Aoba who brought their mouths together, and this time, neither tried to break apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a head-cannon that when Aoba gets really upset he sort of flat-lines out and is so focused on whatever is on his mind that his emotions get set on the back burner and he seems almost detached. Sei is the opposite, so he gets really emotional and feels more than he thinks, so while Aoba is just quiet and internally a mess, Sei is an outwardly emotional wreck. He can keep it reigned in though if he has to.
> 
> Next chap gets back to Aoba's POV, I just really wanted to explore Sei's mind a bit.  
> -  
> Fuck I'm so sorry, idk if I'll ever get to finish that last chapter..... I've completely lost my inspiration so for now it's gonna end here. Maybe I'll come back to it someday.


End file.
